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Saturday, February 25, 2012

It's me God

Subject: Fw: Eve chats with God - (You will enjoy this one)

"Lord, I have a problem."

"What is it, Eve?"

"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, " but what's the catch?"

"Well, can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord? "

"Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret .. you know, woman to woman."


Thursday, February 23, 2012

My Angel

Ok I need to quit with the silly joke stuff or no one will read my blog!  Besides I think I have 15 peeps so far!
Today I want to chat about that Angel on your shoulder!  You know what I mean, that little voice that tells you something if you will just listen to it.  Sometimes it feels like intuition but I feel it is something more.  I had a friend in the store yesterday and we were chatting away and the conversation came around to this subject and I was telling my thoughts on it.  I like to think of it as my "higher self" since were were made in God's imagine why wouldn't we have these kinds of insight or power if we would just listen for it.  Anyway  I have to digress to something so that this all ties together.
About 3 months ago I was driving along and something nudged me to think about a house. It was probably 20 years ago when I first noticed this house.  I could see this house in my minds eye, see how it set off the highway in a little low area, and had willow trees growing around it.  I remembered seeing the house being built and the trees small.  It was one of those add on jobs, as you could tell that rooms were built a little at a time and it has strange turrets and a second story was added.  Well for some reason it really bugged me that I couldn't remember where the heck this house was located.  I could see it but not where it was.  So I tried real hard to think of all the little towns I had driven thru in my area, and I had taken that trip to Iowa last fall and wondered if it was up there.  So had to let it rest as I couldn't remember.
Well yesterday after my conversation with this friend, I was driving home and for the first time in several weeks that house popped into my mind and again I wondered where it was, and about a mile down the highway, I looked over to the left and there it was!!!  Only about 3 miles from my home.  It sat there in the willow trees, but sadly it has burned down!!! This was a shock as I just don't remember seeing a burned home along there so now I have to see if I can find out how long ago it burned down.
Cross my heart this is all true, and I do believe my little Angel on my shoulder wanted me to think about this and look over and put it all to rest, well at least till I find out how long ago it burned down.  Wonder if a neighbor would think I was nuts if I stopped one day? Think I will stop in the AM and take a picture to post.
So there you have it,  I am just a little weird huh?  Anyone else got an Angel on their shoulder?

PS.  Here is a picture of the site that I took this morning. If you click on the picture you can see the stone wall.  It is curved and has a sort of medieval look to it. Just wanted to share it along with my story.

Saturday, February 18, 2012


Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.

Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. ________________________________

I hate that *%!@# Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Friday, February 10, 2012

Love this gum!

I dropped into a discount grocery store a couple weeks ago, looking for old bread for hubby to feed the blue jays.  I saw this gum at the checkout for 33 cents so bought one.  It is coffee flavored.  Wonderful stuff.  Stays soft a long time too.  So went back next day and bought the rest that they had, about 8 packs.  I have never seen it in regular stores.  Made in USA too.

Thursday, February 02, 2012

The Very Best Birthday Gift Ever

My daughter has been planning for several weeks for this day!  I was very proud that she set my birthday as her new day of no smoking.  She told everyone and prepared herself for success!                                                                                                        

This is the best gift she could give her mother.

Besides I tell her I have to have her around for when I get old and senile.  No pressure there!
Love you baby girl!