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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

IS IT 2008 YET?

Well Christmas is over, and I am always glad. Not because of what Christmas stands for, don't get me wrong. But for what it has become to stand for. All the commercialism and guilt heaped on us. About the 15th of every Dec. I start to feel a little panic feeling in me. Not sure just what it means, but I always dread Christmas. I guess it holds too many memories of what was ,and should have been, and never will be. As families shift and change over time things get complicated.
I end up most of the time, letting it sneak up on me and then its like, Oh, my! Christmas is tomorrow and I haven't sent cards or bought any gifts! Darn. Well maybe next year!! Well I am not really quite that bad, but almost. I do manage to get gift cards out to the grand kids before Christmas. BUT, never get to spend Christmas with them, and rarely get a thank you.

Well this is a really Ba Humbug post isn't it. I just know that Christmas is like this for lots of people and we are afraid to talk about it because it makes you feel like a bad person for not having all this warm fuzzy feeling. Instead you feel guilty, feel little or no family connection. In my "previous" life, it was about cooking lots of goodies and indulging in the fudge, divinity, and cookies. Putting up a tree and decorating it. Family around and the excitement of buying presents and watching them be opened and the mess and clutter and laying around playing with the "toys". Now that was warm and fuzzy. Now its like, "Oh, lets eat out, so you won't have to cook or do dishes" Right! no mess or clutter in my life. Come home to a clean house, no gift paper on the floor because there were no gifts, no left overs to snack on, because nothing was cooked. Well it sort of chokes me up, really.

This year I did cook most of the dinner for Sunday and had siblings over and it was fun. We did a traditional turkey dinner and it was nice to have everyone around the table together.

Well I have wallowed in my self pity long enough. The new year is coming, along with another birthday soon after. Maybe I can post a grumpy post about that later!!

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