As you can see, they are all beady eyed now and getting feathered out. Will be gone a few days so they may be gone when I get back. Next year we will put a basket under the nest right off and let them have at it. Our little house wren is back and has decided to nest in the gourd that I hung just inside the carport. They are happy as can be, and singing up a storm. Have another one hanging in the tree, but I think we just have the one pair so far. I sat on the deck last pm and let him/her sing to me from across the deck.
One last picture till later........
"You 'BECOME' the horse said to the rabbit. 'It doesn't happen all at once. It takes a very long time. Generally by the time you are REAL most of your hair has been loved off and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But those things don't matter, because you are real, you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand.' " >>> The Velvateen Rabbit
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Thursday, April 19, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
23 Adult Truths
(Just a little something I sort of borrowed from a friend)
1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How on earth are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
Their nest runneth over!
We got 3 inches of rain over the weekend and as a result the back side of the robin nest was sagging badly and the kids are getting pretty big, so of course we had to mess with Mother Nature. I used a bag that avocados came in and we pinned it up behind the nest, then pulled the back down under the nest and tied it off. Hopefully this will help. Someone told me that they helped their robins by actually using a small basket and putting the nest in it and fastened the basket to the tree and the Momma didn't mind at all. Ours are working hard to feed the 4 babies.
Been keeping an eye on a the pair of crows that live nearby. We have seen them carrying baby birds in their beak with a flock of robins squawking their heads off, chasing the crow. And you know they weren't taking the baby birds to adopt! DANG Crows!
Been keeping an eye on a the pair of crows that live nearby. We have seen them carrying baby birds in their beak with a flock of robins squawking their heads off, chasing the crow. And you know they weren't taking the baby birds to adopt! DANG Crows!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
When you look do you really see?
This is a video site that I wish to share. I was very moved by it and hope others will take a few minutes and watch it. The photography is beautiful and the message is timeless!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ&vq=medium
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=gXDMoiEkyuQ&vq=medium
Friday, April 13, 2012
Oh, babies outgrow things so fast
They are either 4 or 5 days old here. All mouth! Mom and Dad are hard at work now trying to keep them full.
Are you bored yet? Sort of like watching cement dry huh?
Are you bored yet? Sort of like watching cement dry huh?
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
We have babies!
Just hatched baby robins! Mom and Dad are staying close by and feeding these little babies. So guess you will have to see pictures of them as they grow up. Won't take long!
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Look Hard!
See anything about in the middle? Look hard now!
I bet you see now!
Awesome huh? This nest if just off my front porch. Since I didn't lay the eggs you have my permission to take this picture. If you enter a contest with it and win lots of money I strongly encourage you to share, it would be the right thing to do!
I bet you see now!
Awesome huh? This nest if just off my front porch. Since I didn't lay the eggs you have my permission to take this picture. If you enter a contest with it and win lots of money I strongly encourage you to share, it would be the right thing to do!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Out of body experience
Thought I would share this bit of info that I read recently and I felt I could relate to it. Maybe you will see yourself here too. The following paragraph is copied from the article.
Ever get the bizarre feeling that you're floating out of your skin? It can happen as your brain is transitioning to sleep and the temporal-parietal junction (area responsible for synthesizing a sensation of position, gravity, motion,k and vision) turns off while you're still conscious. Without all that information, a person can feel as if she's detached from her body, looking back at her physical self.
I don't exactly feel detached, but often just as I start to doze off I do get a strange sensation of floating or detachment. Sort of like when you are given that injection that sends you into sleep when you have a procedure or surgery.
Thought for the day: If you are never the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
More serendipity!
Looks like Spring/Summer is here to stay. Lots of mowing and gardening going on!
I just finished a very good book that I will do a review on for my newspaper column but just wanted to mention it here.
You know that I believe in serendipity! (An apparent aptitude for making accidentally fortunate discoveries) Or coincidences ( An accidental occurrence of related or identical events, ideas, etc. at the same time) Actually I don't really think there are coincidences. I think that is just our higher self guiding us to see things that will help make us more aware. All that said, the book that I just finished is called: Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum.
For some reason I have been drawn to read historical fiction this past year or so. I like a good book with some sustenance to it that actually make me think. I frequently find my self going to my Atlas to see just where the story setting is located, or to the Internet to learn more about a real person who was mentioned in the story. This book goes back and forth from the mother in the late 30's and early 40's during WW 11. And her daughter in a more modern time of the 90's. The mother is a young 18 year old in Germany during the uprising of Hitler. She falls in love with a Jewish veterinarian and ends up hiding him in her attic, till months later her father finds out and turns him to go to one of the "camps" She runs away and finds refuge with a Jewish woman who is a baker and stays with her and delivers a baby girl. Fast forward to the 90's and this girl is a professor of German history at a university and gets involved in a study of how the German population dealt with all that happened in Germany during these years. Over the years her mother has very closed mouth about how she survived. Toward the end of the book there is a quote with the title of : those who saved us, (those who shamed us).
I found this to be a wonderful read, and recommend it to others of my age who were born just after this war and really don't have a very good understanding about what all has happened.
Now for the serendipity part. Just as I finished the book, I got an e-mail from a friend and it was a commentary (to long to post here) I did a copy/paste of the heading, so maybe you can google the article.
(ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ The following is a copy of an article written by Spanish writer Sebastian Vilar Rodriguez and published in a Spanish newspaper on Jan.15, 2008. It doesn't take much imagination to extrapolate the message to the rest of Europe - and possibly to the rest of the world.)
It is very good reading and compares what happened with the Jewish population and with all the political correctness now, the Muslim population is exploding in Europe and it compares the accomplishments of the 2 nationalities.
So that's my story for today. I don't really intend this all to sound political, but just stuff to ponder. If you need some deep thoughts I offer these things to read. Will copy this for my other blog too.
I just finished a very good book that I will do a review on for my newspaper column but just wanted to mention it here.
You know that I believe in serendipity! (An apparent aptitude for making accidentally fortunate discoveries) Or coincidences ( An accidental occurrence of related or identical events, ideas, etc. at the same time) Actually I don't really think there are coincidences. I think that is just our higher self guiding us to see things that will help make us more aware. All that said, the book that I just finished is called: Those Who Save Us, by Jenna Blum.
For some reason I have been drawn to read historical fiction this past year or so. I like a good book with some sustenance to it that actually make me think. I frequently find my self going to my Atlas to see just where the story setting is located, or to the Internet to learn more about a real person who was mentioned in the story. This book goes back and forth from the mother in the late 30's and early 40's during WW 11. And her daughter in a more modern time of the 90's. The mother is a young 18 year old in Germany during the uprising of Hitler. She falls in love with a Jewish veterinarian and ends up hiding him in her attic, till months later her father finds out and turns him to go to one of the "camps" She runs away and finds refuge with a Jewish woman who is a baker and stays with her and delivers a baby girl. Fast forward to the 90's and this girl is a professor of German history at a university and gets involved in a study of how the German population dealt with all that happened in Germany during these years. Over the years her mother has very closed mouth about how she survived. Toward the end of the book there is a quote with the title of : those who saved us, (those who shamed us).
I found this to be a wonderful read, and recommend it to others of my age who were born just after this war and really don't have a very good understanding about what all has happened.
Now for the serendipity part. Just as I finished the book, I got an e-mail from a friend and it was a commentary (to long to post here) I did a copy/paste of the heading, so maybe you can google the article.
(ALL EUROPEAN LIFE DIED IN AUSCHWITZ The following is a copy of an article written by Spanish writer Sebastian Vilar Rodriguez and published in a Spanish newspaper on Jan.15, 2008. It doesn't take much imagination to extrapolate the message to the rest of Europe - and possibly to the rest of the world.)
It is very good reading and compares what happened with the Jewish population and with all the political correctness now, the Muslim population is exploding in Europe and it compares the accomplishments of the 2 nationalities.
So that's my story for today. I don't really intend this all to sound political, but just stuff to ponder. If you need some deep thoughts I offer these things to read. Will copy this for my other blog too.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Afternoon sex
Afternoon Sex
The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon 'quickie' with their 8-year old son in the apartment
Was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
- 'There's a car being towed from the parking lot,' he shouted.
- 'An ambulance just drove by!'
- 'Looks like the Anderson 's have company,' he called out.
- 'Matt's riding a new bike!'
- 'Looks like the Sanders are moving!'
- 'Jason is on his skate board!'
- After a few moments he announced, 'The Coopers are having sex!'
Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out..
'How do you know they're having sex?'
'Cause Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle.'
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Stop, Stop I can't take it any more!
No good reason to use this picture, but it just makes me laugh every time I see it in my file, so here it is. Got nothing interesting today so just leaving for "my" weekend and wanted to leave a few parting words.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied..
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Lets think healthy this spring.
I like these 10 rules!
For your Health:
> 1. Drink plenty of water.
> 2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
> 3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
> 4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
> 5. Make time to pray.
> 6. Play more games
> 7. Read more books than you did in 2011 .
> 8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
> 9. Sleep for 7 hours.
> 10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
For your Health:
> 1. Drink plenty of water.
> 2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
> 3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
> 4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
> 5. Make time to pray.
> 6. Play more games
> 7. Read more books than you did in 2011 .
> 8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
> 9. Sleep for 7 hours.
> 10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Do taxes make you mad?
I am so dang mad! Last year we got talked into investing some money in the stock market. So of course we bought local stuff that we were sure was secure, our local Electric company that has been around for ever. I always heard that you invest in what you use alot. Sounded smart. The dumb thing was to put a stop/sell flag on it. (we were sort of talked into this) That made sense in case Obama did something really weird and the market crashed. At least we wouldn't lose all of it. Well about 2 months later the Joplin tornado hit and guess what happened to the stock market value of the electric company? It dropped like a hot potato! So guess what? Of course it sold with out us even having a chance to say, whoa, we will ride this one out. Done, done, to bad. Gone. Lost almost 3,000$. Now I went to have my taxes done and find out, you guessed it, now I have to claim this sale of stock as income for 2011!!!! Dang, this was money that was in the bank the first of the year and had already been taxed before it got there. Now all of a sudden it is income and we get taxed again. All seems very unfair, except we can take the amount lost as a loss. Whoopi! Won't know till next week when taxes are finalized how it will come out. So just beware, if you have stock and you have a stop/sell on it you could get into trouble. Heck look at Martha Stewart! Except she got in trouble cause the stock sold when it got HIGH, not low. We are to stupid for the stock market.
PS: just found out this is my 700th post!
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The other me
If you haven't checked out my other blog site, here it is. It started out to be all about my book store, then it sort of just morphed into a site for me to document alot of my crafts and stuff that I do at the store to entertain myself. Thought I would share this site with anyone out there who reads this one. I know you are there somewhere in the world as I have a stat counter. Gotcha!
http://readagainbooks.blogspot.com/
Thursday, March 08, 2012
Please drive carefully!
For some reason I have been addicted to looking at the accident reports in the local paper. There may be 4 or 5 listed daily and over half are single car accidents and they say the driver ran off the road, of course then many times they either hit a tree or roll over several times. Sometimes there are fatalities or just that routine care flight to the hospital. What the heck are these people doing that they drive off the road!. Then the other half of the accidents are one car crossing the line and hitting another car. Same thing, what are these people doing?? I have a guess. Bet you can't guess what it is! Could it be the cell phone? Or the meal they are eating while driving? Or all the other personal things that are going on that distract the driver?
I just think we forget that we are driving a heavy piece of machinery here that requires our attention and respect.
In central Mo. about a week ago was a tragic accident of a gal crossing the center line and hitting a car head on. Killed the father, 3 year old, and mother. They were on way home from the hospital with a newborn baby! The baby was ejected in its car seat and survived! What a tragedy! The other odd thing was that the new mother and the young girl driver worked together!
So look at your paper and tell me what you think. Just for one day! DRIVE CAREFULLY!
Thought for the day: Life is just one damn thing after another.... Winston Churchill
I just think we forget that we are driving a heavy piece of machinery here that requires our attention and respect.
In central Mo. about a week ago was a tragic accident of a gal crossing the center line and hitting a car head on. Killed the father, 3 year old, and mother. They were on way home from the hospital with a newborn baby! The baby was ejected in its car seat and survived! What a tragedy! The other odd thing was that the new mother and the young girl driver worked together!
So look at your paper and tell me what you think. Just for one day! DRIVE CAREFULLY!
Thought for the day: Life is just one damn thing after another.... Winston Churchill
Friday, March 02, 2012
Spring has sprung
Couldn't believe it when I looked closer to this huge tree in our front yard. It is popping out with blooms and I took this on the first day of March, 73degrees! The tornadoes that swept thru a couple nites ago missed us by at least 35 miles. Scary things. My elderly sister in law lives on the lower level of our house and I heard her alert radio go off a couple times during the nite. She is obsessed with the weather! Listens to her weather radio several times a day, cuts the weather deal out of the paper and keeps track of them. Not sure if this is healthy but guess it gives her something to be doing. But on the other hand she sure makes good chocolate chip cookies and pies for my hubby. I hardly ever bake!
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Spam in my Box!
OK call me stupid but I can't find my blogger spam box!! I have seen that some of my fellow bloggers are having their comments blocked because our big brother at Blogspot has decided to protect us from "bad" comments. Well I just can't find the spam box so I can OK comments from folks that it is OK to leave comments. I know you would help me out here but probably your comment will just get sent to the comment spam box and I won't be able to read it. I did a copy and paste of the instructions. Any ideas and if you have my e-mail address, at least a couple of you do. Then send me info. Thank you very much!
Blogger now filters comments that are likely spam comments to a Spam Inbox, much like the spam folder in your email. When someone leaves a comment on your blog, it will be reviewed against our spam detector, and comments that are identified as possible spam will be sent to your blog’s Spam Inbox, found at Comments
Spam.
You can help improve our ability to automatically detect spam comments by checking your Spam Inbox and deleting spam comments and marking real comments that may have been flagged as spam as Not Spam.
We are always seeking feedback on how to improve this feature, so please share your feedback with us by clicking on the Report Spam Filtering Issues.
LMAO: Just as I posted this I was on the site that showed all my posts and to the left was "comments" I clicked on it and there were all the comments and I couldn't believe the ton of anonymous SPAM comments that had been filtered out. So I have to eat my words and I unspammed you coffeepot!
Live and Learn huh?
Blogger now filters comments that are likely spam comments to a Spam Inbox, much like the spam folder in your email. When someone leaves a comment on your blog, it will be reviewed against our spam detector, and comments that are identified as possible spam will be sent to your blog’s Spam Inbox, found at Comments
Spam.
You can help improve our ability to automatically detect spam comments by checking your Spam Inbox and deleting spam comments and marking real comments that may have been flagged as spam as Not Spam.
We are always seeking feedback on how to improve this feature, so please share your feedback with us by clicking on the Report Spam Filtering Issues.
LMAO: Just as I posted this I was on the site that showed all my posts and to the left was "comments" I clicked on it and there were all the comments and I couldn't believe the ton of anonymous SPAM comments that had been filtered out. So I have to eat my words and I unspammed you coffeepot!
Live and Learn huh?
Saturday, February 25, 2012
It's me God
Subject: Fw: Eve chats with God - (You will enjoy this one)
"Lord, I have a problem."
"What is it, Eve?"
"I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, especially that hilarious snake, but I'm just not happy."
"And why is that Eve?"
"Lord, I'm lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"Man? What is that Lord?"
"A flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. All in all he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger and faster and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, " but what's the catch?"
"Well,.....you can have him on one condition."
"And what's that Lord? "
"Well, since he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret .. you know, woman to woman."
Thursday, February 23, 2012
My Angel
Ok I need to quit with the silly joke stuff or no one will read my blog! Besides I think I have 15 peeps so far!
Today I want to chat about that Angel on your shoulder! You know what I mean, that little voice that tells you something if you will just listen to it. Sometimes it feels like intuition but I feel it is something more. I had a friend in the store yesterday and we were chatting away and the conversation came around to this subject and I was telling my thoughts on it. I like to think of it as my "higher self" since were were made in God's imagine why wouldn't we have these kinds of insight or power if we would just listen for it. Anyway I have to digress to something so that this all ties together.
About 3 months ago I was driving along and something nudged me to think about a house. It was probably 20 years ago when I first noticed this house. I could see this house in my minds eye, see how it set off the highway in a little low area, and had willow trees growing around it. I remembered seeing the house being built and the trees small. It was one of those add on jobs, as you could tell that rooms were built a little at a time and it has strange turrets and a second story was added. Well for some reason it really bugged me that I couldn't remember where the heck this house was located. I could see it but not where it was. So I tried real hard to think of all the little towns I had driven thru in my area, and I had taken that trip to Iowa last fall and wondered if it was up there. So had to let it rest as I couldn't remember.
Well yesterday after my conversation with this friend, I was driving home and for the first time in several weeks that house popped into my mind and again I wondered where it was, and about a mile down the highway, I looked over to the left and there it was!!! Only about 3 miles from my home. It sat there in the willow trees, but sadly it has burned down!!! This was a shock as I just don't remember seeing a burned home along there so now I have to see if I can find out how long ago it burned down.
Cross my heart this is all true, and I do believe my little Angel on my shoulder wanted me to think about this and look over and put it all to rest, well at least till I find out how long ago it burned down. Wonder if a neighbor would think I was nuts if I stopped one day? Think I will stop in the AM and take a picture to post.
So there you have it, I am just a little weird huh? Anyone else got an Angel on their shoulder?
PS. Here is a picture of the site that I took this morning. If you click on the picture you can see the stone wall. It is curved and has a sort of medieval look to it. Just wanted to share it along with my story.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM
Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. ________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that *%!@# Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
_______________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
For my birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!
Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines... I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! ________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members.. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.
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THURSDAY:
Butt hole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny witch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank. ________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that *%!@# Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the darn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
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SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
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SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!
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